When did it all change? There are times when I love this movement. I eat, sleep, and breathe this movement. And then there are times that all I want is a stable place to live, a job that I love and that will sustain me and allow me to eat. Why can't I have both? I suppose if I had the latter, there would be no reason to love the former? Or at least not as much because, let's be honest, it wouldn't be affecting me directly. I wish I didn't think that way, but I do. I think if we're all honest with ourselves, we all do.
My current relationship has taught me a lot about myself. I'm selfish. I want people to love me for me, in spite of all my shortcomings, yet all I do is point out the negative characteristics of the one I'm with and try to change him. And he let's me and is constantly stepping up to the plate to please me. It makes me feel awful. When did I become this way? Have I always been this way? Is this why so many people leave? He is the only person so far to call me on my shit. And he stays with me in spite of me and I still act ungrateful, although I'm far from it. I want to change. I want to be a better me.
I periodically have to remind myself that tomorrow will come. No matter what happens today or how discouraged I get, the sun will rise again. Another chance to get it right. Or another chance to learn what's wrong.
On a positive note, the weather was A-mazing today. The first signs of warmness here that I have experienced this year. The sun and warmth are my energy and I look forward to a healthy and productive Spring and Summer <3
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