It is very rare that I am inspired to write and have access to a computer at the same time, but today is one of those rare occasions. If I've started once, I've started a thousand times to explain the logic behind my thoughts, but the timing has never been right. However, I've been reminded several times lately that the timing to take a risk will never be right, we must just dive in. We'll either succeed or discover an approach that doesn't work. Either way, we must take risks.
Probably the most basic reason that I don't write as much as I should is that my thoughts are so scattered. I overthink everything and one thought leads to another and then to another and before I know it, I've completely lost focus of the primary reason I began. And this has been my excuse for years now and I've let it hold me back, along with allowing the negativity of others saying I'm not an expert or I don't know how things function enough to properly give an opinion on a subject. But no more. I was once asked what my ideal world looked like and I couldn't answer that question, because despite many years of protests, meetings and self-reflection, I never even attempted to picture it, it was just too complicated and I didn't know where to start. I could name a few aspects that I wanted to see, but didn't have a clear vision of my utopia.
I still don't have one, but I hope that I learn to write through the times of no inspiration or motivation. When I ask myself how I want people to remember me after I die, the answer is simple - I want to be remembered as an educator. Not necessarily a teacher in a formal classroom, but through my writing, videos and photographs, I want to light that spark in people like Lupe Fiasco did in me. He wrote and rapped about history and his story, but also used a book club called The Readers to further reach his fans and inspire us to read the works of others.
[Pauses. Gets distracted by internet memes of SCOTUS ruling in favor of marriage equality in all 50 states! Attempts to get back into blogging mindset.]
This brings me to today's rant. I am not against work or dedication, in fact, I think both are imperative to quality of life, but only when there is meaning and passion behind each faction. I have worked in fast food, for two of the world's leading corporations, Universal and Disney, for museums in NYC and none of those jobs had meaning for me. I did not feel a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day, I did not feel like I was creating, that I was working towards an end goal. Every day was the same and I was bored quickly and pissed off at the level of disgusting customers that we were just supposed to deal with and move on, while they got free food or tickets because the managers just didn't want to deal with them. I do not want to participate or contribute to a society that rewards the assholes and steps on the deserving because it feels they are weak. I do not want to participate or contribute to a society that praises individualism and competition and expects everyone to fight their way to "the top" by any means necessary, even if that means physically or emotionally injuring other living creatures. I don't want to participate or contribute to a society that doesn't appreciate its workers and their dreams. In a nutshell, I do not want to participate or contribute to a capitalist society.
Throughout studying photography I have come across a few well-known photographers whose eye for framing subjects is so incredibly similar to mine and it's reassuring to know that even though I had never previously seen their work, that there were others out there who thought just like I did. Yesterday I began reading the book Global Justice, which includes three speeches by Ernesto Che Guevara. I know very little about Karl Marx's teachings, nor do I know that much about socialism and communism, aside from what I've learned and witnessed from my visits to Cuba, but reading Socialism and Man in Cuba has me feeling that same assurance that there are indeed others out there who think the way that I do and perhaps I'm not crazy after all. I'll gladly accept the term radical, although it is disturbing to think that wanting justice, equality, safety and access to affordable housing, clothing and food for all is considered radical.
I'm just now really beginning to comprehend the reasoning behind not having learned any of this in school. There is a reason that we're conditioned to believe that competition based on individualism is the only way and although we may be assigned to work in groups, we're never really taught HOW to work in groups or what to take away from the experience or how to improve upon it. We're just expected to know how it should function and typically it always functions as a microcosm of the greater society - one person becomes the "leader," while others follow instructions. There is no consensus process, typically that "leader" assigns portions to the others and there is little to no discussion. If there is, it likely devolves into an argument and people ask to be moved to a different group or just don't do any portion of the work assigned. Then the group is given a grade as a whole and perhaps evaluations are given to the group to discuss the other group members participation. When your "leader" is a known bully or you're not one of the popular kids, there is no way that those evaluations are a clear indication of what really occured. I know because I've been there. You don't want to snitch on a friend who didn't participate to their full potential, even if you're the one that suffered from having to pick up their slack. We're never taught properly the different ways that groups can interact and the different ways are never tested. Many basic necessities of functioning in society are never taught to students. If it wasn't for me learning progressive stack, blocking, points of information, clarity and other aspects of the consensus process [and its flaws] at Occupy Wall Street, I would still not be aware that there were different ways or what actual democracy looks like.
So how are we supposed to function most efficiently in groups when we're older if we were doomed from the beginning? How many of us give up on our dreams, or worse yet, never even gave thought to our dreams, because we were forced into working a job or jobs just to keep a roof over our heads, food in our stomachs and transportation to and from that job or jobs? How many of us are miserable and have come to accept the expression, "Well, that's just the way it is" or "I've gotta do what I've gotta do"? We're not meant to live this way. We're meant to contribute to society, but we're also meant to have enough time outside of that contribution to analyze our lives and the world, to travel, to experience. We're not meant to be slaves to other human beings, we're not meant to be exploited. And that is the greatest leverage that they have over us, our belief in having to do something to survive. But oh, when the tables turn and the masses realizes how they've been kept down. We must get angry, we must fight back. We're worth more and we must realize our worth.
There will be great sacrifice for many or at least it will seem like great sacrifice, but what all have we sacrificed so far? Your children's birthdays, first steps, first words, graduations, traveling the world, photographing, blogging, writing, novels, art, healing. The list is exhaustingly long and different for all of us. First we must educate, then we must fight back. But there are still small ways you can fight back now. Don't be afraid to stand up to that boss that is an asshole. Yes, you will risk being fired, I was, but in some way, I hope that it eased conditions for my co-workers that I left behind and/or that they gained courage and confidence in themselves for that sacrifice that I made. I don't regret it a day in my life. I had learned my worth and it was more than what I was being given. And you're likely worth more than you're being given. Rise up.
HUMAN BEINGS ARE NOT COMMODITIES.
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