And Then There's...

If ever there was such thing as post-partum vacation depression, I'm convinced I have it.

If I try to explain, and even when I think about it, it just makes me seem ridiculous and in need of just getting over it. But it's more than that. It's other things on top of that, things that are completely unrelated, that are affecting me, as well.

For starters, there's the whole job situation. I can almost say that the food assistant job is over. I doubt they'll call me anymore, and if they did, I'm not sure that I feel comfortable returning. The way the photographer conducted business with me I feel was unprofessional, and she was not honest, just gave me weird looks, seeming she already knew that her other assistant from last year was back full time and that I was now taking a backseat. Thanks for the heads up.

So that leaves me only working at the Sports Complex two days a week, and now that summer activities are winding down, now only once a week. This brings unnecessary stress of whether or not I will be able to afford my bills in the long run. In the short run, I'll be just fine. Long run, we'll see how things pan out.

Should I get another part-time job? Is there anything around here that I would even remotely want to do? I am back to resenting Orlando and wanting to get out of here. It has been a great eight years, but I'm so ready to move on and start over new.

Then there's this guy. This guy is amazing. I think of him when I wake up, when I go to sleep and numerous times throughout the day. At first it was the best feeling, and when I'm around him, there's no other place on earth or in the universe that I would rather be. His voice, his style, his courtesy towards me, it is all so attractive. But I don't know if he feels the same and I'm not good with rejection. I dream of the way I want things to be, but I don't want to make a wonderful friendship awkward. I get butterflies when I'm around him and I can't even begin to describe that feeling that I haven't felt in so long. I'm constantly checking Facebook to see if there's a message or a comment from him and it's beginning to be way too much. I need to separate myself and stop worrying. If it's God's will, it'll be done, but patience is still a virtue that I'm working on.

Then there's the future. They say it takes care of itself, but I'm at least trying to make some sort of plan. But where to start? What do I really want to do? NYC? Somewhere else? Photography, yes, but what field? I'm hoping to start the website process tomorrow, but then how do I market myself? I don't know the first thing about business and that's even more stress.

They say to let go and let God, but what happens when you forget how to do that? =/