My initial reaction to getting hired was excitement. Now I'm having a hard time digesting it. These first two weeks were amazing; I may have been alone, but I was able to explore and make plans as I wished, nothing standing in my way. Now that has changed. I was almost in the clear, but then the scheduler said I was scheduled for one more day, Thursday, September 8, the day of the Atlanta Braves vs Mets doubleheader. Now I have to give up the tickets and miss the game, which in itself is quite minute, but it's the bigger picture that's bringing me down. Ever since I started college I have lived to work, not worked to live, and I'm terrified that I will get thrown back into that vicious, soul-stealing cycle, yet again. By taking this job I have decreased my pay wage significantly, in which I already thought I was working for merely nothing, now I'm working for 0.65/hour less, and it's transgressing back to food and beverage, something I vowed I would never work in again unless I was elderly and was just working so I wasn't bored.
I know in the scheme of things and dealing with worldly issues, this is completely insignificant and selfish, but this is just how I feel. I needed to express it in words, because honestly, I'm just worried. I hope this is only a stepping stone and that I don't get caught up living paycheck to paycheck again, barely able to pay bills. I don't want to live another day where I wake up hating life and not wanting to go to work. I want a career that I am excited about and I know that opportunity is more attainable here than it was in Florida for me, I just hate feeling this way. Hopefully a better situation presents itself in the near future.
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