Starting Over.

I become vulnerable in 3...2...1...

I don't know what to do. At this point in my life I don't ever want to even think about doing another school assignment. I don't want to work full-time at Disney anymore. I don't want to wake up with my day already planned out for me. I need days off. I need moments where work, school and YES, even photography, are not constantly on my mind. Only 45 days left until graduation. This has been an amazing year and a half, but I'm ready to be done. To move on. I feel trapped.

Trapped in this cage that consists of clocking in and clocking out, being to class on time or being locked out. I'm either stuck inside trying to get out or stuck outside trying to get in. Story of my life. I want a world where I can be free. Free to get up (some days) on my own accord, free to work when I feel like working (with the obvious realization that not all days will be like this), free to roam the streets and photograph, free to do my own work without someone telling me I should manipulate it, when all I want is for it to be the way I captured it. Just free. Free to not be in this cage. Free to be ME.

I need a change. A drastic one, but one that is worth it.

Ahh, this whole New York thing. I dream of New York and wake up thinking about it. I've only been there once. What if that one week in the City that never sleeps was not enough to completely realize if it's a place that I want to live? People love to be dream-killers and thanks to them, I now doubt a decision that was once so solid. But it's a decision that ultimately, only I can make. Do I have doubts? Yes. Am I scared? Yes. But am I determined? YES. I have never in my life made a decision to go for something and not followed through. At the very least I can say I tried it and it didn't work. But if I never try, I will be constantly reminded of what might have been...and it will remain only that, a dream.

I need to surround myself with positive thinkers and doers. For too long I have been in a negative state-of-mind and I'm over being that way. But when one does not have passion for what they do, and ESPECIALLY when they're not making money at it, a negative state-of-mind is inevitable.

I have been too safe for too long. It's time to step outside and take a risk. A big one. I need adventure. I need a road trip. To anywhere. With LOTS of photographing. I need to clear my mind. I feel as if I'm always behind and constantly trying to play catch-up, but it's all in vain.

I need to start over.

Okay, end of creepy rant. As you were.